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Unexpected Greatness

Posted on June 19, 2011

Sometimes I use my blog for personal posts too….I keep meaning to do more of them, but then life sorta just gets in the way.  Today, I am using my blog to honor someone special to me…someone I consider my very best friend, someone I cannot imagine living without.  No, it’s not my iPad. 

Those of you who know me, know the story of how a boy became a Dad before he became a husband.  Andrew was a mere 26 years old (young by Los Angeles standards) when we were thrust into parenthood, somewhat “unexpectedly”.  We were young and carefree, living in Hollywood, partying our way through our twenties with great friends and more than our share of alcohol.

We had dated for over a year…..got through that break up…..that Andrew likes to call “Renee’s whore days”.    I have no idea why.  But I digress…

When we found out we were going to be parents, we were not living together, still on unstable ground in our relationship, and Andrew was scheduled to leave for Ireland to shoot a movie for six weeks…..to say that we were in the midst of change would be an understatement.  Those were interesting times

By the time Reece was born, we had moved into an adorable duplex near the Hollywood Bowl and were dipping our feet into the world of diapers, baby vomit and sleepless nights.  I knew I’d be ok…eventually, but I had NO idea how good a father Andrew would be.  He was there every step of the way during the Bradley classes and the 24 hour labor.  He begged me to let him bathe Reece (I was a tad controlling – shocking, I know)  He would get up with him during the night, even when he had to be on set early.  Didn’t all Dads do this?!  Apparently not, as I found out during Gymboree classes, most of which he insisted on going to with us.

I posted an article on my facebook page yesterday that I just love – a father (much like Andrew) telling Dads to literally “wake up” and just be there for their kids.  It resonated with me mainly because it was another great reminder of how amazing my husband is.  Is he perfect?  No.  Does he drive me crazy sometimes?  Yes.  God, yes.   (I, however, am perfect and I’m sure he’d tell you that).  It was another opportunity to reflect on the unexpected greatness of Andrew. We all make mistakes as parents (we have to keep therapists in business after all!) but in the end, I’m so thankful that my kids have a father who has been there every step of the way for them, and continues to be.  A father who gets his toenails painted by his daughter, has tea parties, and then chases the boys around the house with nerf guns until my ears feel like they will explode.  It doesn’t even matter that he leaves the bullets all over the house.  (I’m lying, of course, it totally drives me insane.)   A father who always tucks his kids in at night, complete with kisses and hugs and never fails to say “I love you”.  A father who, when faced with his oldest son’s autism diagnosis, didn’t deny it and run screaming from it; rather, met it head on and became that son’s advocate.  And now, a father who is determined to keep the lines of communication open between himself and his pre-teen children so they feel comfortable enough to talk to him about literally anything.  He nurses sicknesses, cleans up vomit, puke, and dries tears…..and sometimes does that for the kids too.   He washes dishes, folds laundry, totes all three kids with him to auditions when I have to work, teaches them to ride bikes, and is their biggest fan.  He’s spending today driving Seth 3 hours to camp and then driving 3 hours home.

I’ve often joked that being married to an actor, especially this actor, is like being on a roller coaster – and it still is.  I wouldn’t trade this madness for anything.  Happy Father’s Day to MY hero, Andrew Bowen, and to all the amazing fathers out there who are truly present with their kids ~ that is more of a gift to them than any amount of money could ever be.

I made this slideshow last year for Andrew ~ no, I didn’t have time to make a new one; this one will have to be good for at least the next 4 years…by then, the kids will look too different and I’ll have to put forth more effort at that point. 

It took a village…

Posted on June 21, 2010

I’ve been fortunate in my life to have had many amazing men to look up to.  My own father and I have had a bit of a rocky past…I’m happy to say we’ve overcome it and are now quite close.  We can sit and talk for hours….we’re so similar in so many ways it’s scary.  Some of my favorite memories are of us just chatting and connecting ~ he always took time to answer my questions and explain things.  He never brushed me off when I wanted to know something.  It’s been great getting to know him over the last few years, but it wasn’t always so good.  He and my mother divorced when I was seven and both re-married not long after (and they are still married and very happy, I might add).  So the years following the divorce were….difficult..and we’ll leave it at that.    My stepfather is so much the reason I am who I am today.  He had a pretty difficult job ~ I wasn’t all that open to him telling me what to do and I’m certain that I wasn’t the most pleasant teenager either.  There are so many things I said that I wish I could take back.

During my childhood, my grandfather was a huge part of my life.  My mother is one of ten kids and I was the first grandchild, so I was kind of a big deal.    My grandparents took care of me while my mom was working, so I spent a lot of time there….and it was often said that I was like the eleventh child.  I liked that.  Every day my grandfather would come home from work at 4:30 and I’d be waiting by the window.  He walk in and act surprised that I was anxiously awaiting his arrival and then dramatically produce his lunchbox for me to open.  (I still remember that lunchbox vividly)  He’d always have a Reese’s peanut butter cup in there for me and some of the sugary jelly candies for my grandmother – I can’t for the life of me remember what they were called.  EVERY DAY he would do this.  I blame him for my still very intense addiction to Reese’s peanut butter cups… and yeah, I did name my kid Reece.  (But that was more for Kyle Reese from the Terminator movie ~ I swear)

So not only did I have my grandfather, father and stepfather, I also had my mom’s four brothers, and later on, my aunt’s husbands.  One of them taught me to drive.  Another would take me on trips and I’d babysit for his kids.  Another was one of my music teachers.  All these men showed me guidance, all in their very different and unique ways.

Thank you to all of them ~ all the men who inadvertently taught me what to look for in a husband.  No, they didn’t consciously know they were doing this….but all my experiences with them have shaped me and in turn, helped me find the awesome husband I have.  Andrew is hands down the best man I have ever met, and all the aforementioned men are pretty fantastic, so this is saying a lot….and frankly, it was touch an go there for awhile.  My pregnancy with Reece was… well,  shocking.  Andrew was only 26…..it was a scary time for both of us.  We didn’t even know if we wanted to stay together, much less have a child together.  Alas, it seemed that Reece was the glue our relationship needed.  I don’t think we would have stuck it out had we not had such a good reason to try.  Looking back on that now, it seems like a lifetime away.  Andrew took to fatherhood so easily and effortlessly…is he perfect?  Absolutely not!  There are times when I want to duck tape his mouth shut so he can’t utter the idiotic and misguided, albeit well intended advice he doles out to our impressionable children.   But at least he tries.  At least he is present in their lives.  Not everyone has the courage to do that, so for that, I applaud him.

Some of favorite photos ~ honoring all the heroes in my life…